So, on Sunday, I go to take my dog out for a walk and lo and behold, no shit, there is the mailman staring me dead in the eye. He says, "Good morning, Sir, here is your mail". What do you do? Run? No, he would just think you are weird. And my luck, the rule about running away from a police officer (and that being grounds for arrest) applies to mailmen too. So I greet him back and grab my mail from his hand. My worst fears are realized...an official letter from "the government". I decide to open it, just days earlier having said I will not open an official letter from the above-named organization as long as I have a Service Remaining Requirement, SRR (and I have one year from 2 Feb).
The letter is three sentences long (yeah, I know, it was so long, it took two sit-downs). It begins by saying that the Army's Human Resources Command (HRC) has identified me as having a SRR. True, I do (one year). Then it goes on to say that the HRC is calling up soldiers from IRR to augment the Reserves and Active Duty (NOT true. The Hon. Francis J. Harvey, Secretary of the Army, said on 18 November 2005, that the Army is not calling up anymore soldiers beyond the levels they are currently at). The third sentence tells me to call him at the number provided to "go over my options". See, in my mind, options is
plural...indicating more than one. There aren't any option(s). Now, I have no problem calling him up and telling him this.
I was pissed b/c it was the weekend and I couldn’t iron out the situation then and there (I called to no avail). Honestly, what recruiter do you know that doesn’t work weekends? So in the meantime, I did some research. First off, there was no office symbol on the "official" letter. Anyone that has spent any time past Basic Training knows that every letter has an office symbol. There was no date. My name appeared no where in the letter (it was on the envelope). The unit was listed in the Header as the 99th Regional Support Command (based out of Coraopolis, PA......honestly, where the hell is that?!). Ninjakitty-assisted research indicated that this particular unit had been re-designated the 99th Regional Readiness Command in April of 2003. Don’t you think that the letter should reflect that change nearly three years later? Research is a basic tool learned in the most "basic" NCO school, namely PLDC. What I am saying is, he did not consult AR 25-50, the Army's Guide to Correspondence. Honestly, I don’t think that he knows that there even IS an Army Regulation governing Army Correspondence. Little things like, the paragraphs weren’t even numbered. Rubbish.
So, I wrote the SFC back to the email provided (a USAR email account) and listed my concerns, then told him that if he wanted to ask my to join the Reserves, ask it. Do not scare me into it. I then went on to explain that I wanted his Commanders name, phone number and email address and that I would report him for deceptive and coercive recruiting tactics and that if he failed to email me back, I would contact my congressman. So, the email gets returned "Undeliverable". I did a cursory search of AKO and found him. I sent the email with the "DAEMON post deliver failure" notice attached to his personal AKO account.
Monday morning, I get a call from the 1SG or CSM of the command, asking me to call back (he called while I was at work). I did and informed him of my concerns. He tried to explain that I wouldn’t have to sign a three contract or anything like that. I would just join the Reserves until my SRR was gone. He goes on to say, "I don’t know your resume (whatever the hell that is supposed to mean), but if you join now, you can choose any job you want!". Yay. Any job I want. No really, I am thrilled. I informed him my resume looks great (hell he could have a copy if he'd like) and that I am a civilian contractor for the DoD in Washington DC, doing the same thing that I did my seven years in the Army and had no desire to "change jobs". He goes, "Oh." (That was priceless). I then went on to explain that I had been to Iraq twice, just returned from the latest sentence, uh, tour, and been to Kosovo once (can I get a "yay yay" from Minus' corner?). I still have stabilization from Iraq and going to take my chances on them not calling me up for my last year of SRR, taking into account my deployment history. Additionally, I (at the time of the dialogue) had been out for less than a month. Not to mention (don't you hate it when people say that, then go ahead and MENTION it anyway?), on all three deployments, guess who was there? Drum roll, Minus.....that's right, Nasty Guard and Weekend Warriors. And Minus and Nemesis can both attest to that fact. It's ok Doug; we do not hate you for never having been deployed. No seriously, we don’t. Seriously, get over it, it's ok, we love you. Anyway, I can see it already: I sign up for the Guard or Reserves and two weeks later, Hello Stop Loss. The Army can keep that shit to themselves.
Anyway, he said that he would "put a note into the system" to keep the harassment to a minimum. Whatever the hell that means.
Ok, the bottom line up front here is, please, for God's sake (and yours...ok, more for your sake. Fine. Only for your sake; God has nothing to do with it) look left and right before you cross the street...seriously, because the damn mail man may see you and give the letter to you personally instead of putting it in the damn mailbox where it belongs. Plausible deniability? GONE.
